How to hit on someone while buying tampons.

During the dreaded time of the month, us women can usually be found eating ice cream out of the carton, chewing Midol like candy, and wearing the rattiest pair of sweatpants that have ever roamed the earth. This usually takes place on a couch. However, the inevitable empty box of tampons we are left with halfway through the week makes us break free from the lair we've been hiding in and go to the drug store/grocery store/whatever store to buy a fresh box.

This always occurs when the only cashier is male and the only things I'm buying are a box of tampons, a shower curtain liner, a garter belt, some whipped cream, and a gallon of milk. None, of course, are related but he tends to draw his own correlation.

I take this time to make my move on said cashier, hypothetically. This is the opportune time because 1. Due to the purchase of tampons, he knows for a fact that I am actually female and fertile so when we get married and decide to have children, I can produce beautiful children for him. 2. I bathe myself because I'm buying a shower curtain liner. People who do not bathe do not need shower curtain liners. 3. I'm pretty interesting in the bedroom department. The purchase of a garter belt shows him that I'll play dress up just for him. And the whipped cream? I'll let him think that it's for something sexual when really it's just to put it on top of my chocolate chip ice cream.

My move is slow. I play coy. Laugh off my tampons and the unusual array of products I manged to come out with. I check his name tag and creepily call him by his name. He awkwardly laughs, hands me my receipt, and I walk away.

I'm so fucking smooth.